Big Boobs and Feminism: What Does a Feminist Look like?

I was talking with my daughter the other day about boobs.

If you’ve ever met or seen either one of us it wouldn’t take you long to figure out the “why” of that riddle.

We had just come from a very successful bra shopping sidewalk sale experience at SOL in Denver. Which on the surface wouldn’t seem that strange. But if you have large breasts or know someone that has large breasts (bigger than a DD) then you know how hard it is to find a bra that fits, feels comfortable, looks good and offers more than one option in your size.

My daughter found 4 bras that she loved (plus a bra-sized swimsuit!) and she was thrilled to spend her hard earned money on them. The entire experience made her happy with her breasts and how she looked, which in turn made me very happy. 

And we were waxing poetic about bras, boobs and feminism. 

“I could never be a part of the “Burn the bra” and “Free the Tatas” feminist movements,” she said. “Women with large breasts simply can not, not wear a bra. We’d look ridiculous.” I agree. Our braless boobs are not for public consumption. 

However, I do think that the real fight is really about challenging the censorship of the nipple, rather than the freeing of the boob. Breasts really don’t matter, it’s all about the visible nips. Personally, I’m all about nipples but everyone likes to talk about the boob, so… here we are.

I am a feminist whose DNA does not make me an ideal candidate for a braless lifestyle or even the now popular “embrace your hair” movement. (Read my article about my life long struggle with facial and body hair and you’ll see here I’m coming from.)

I am teaching my daughter that being a feminist doesn’t look just one way and that you don’t have to follow a movement to be one.

Braless boobs and hairy armpits does not a feminist make. Actions, words and supporting women with fewer freedoms than you, that helps make you a feminist.

As a woman, your rack, or lack of rack becomes a major part of your identity. Big or small, you have to decide how to present yourself and your breasts. Genetics, cancer, personal choice or gender identity can all play a part in your decision on how to wear your breasts. 

And here’s a hard truth. It’s hard being a feminist with big tits. It can be hard to hear what we’re saying or to actually read our message because the focus is on what our boobs are saying. And that’s a very hard “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” first impression to overcome. 

I wonder if it’s easier being a feminist with penis than it is being a feminist with a sizable rack.

When men wear feminist t-shirts, women stand up for them and thank them for their support. When women with big boobs wear t-shirts with a feminist mantra, we get eye rolls because our tits distort the message, both literally and figuratively. I guess I could just wear a sandwich board and then you’d hear my message. 

I am a feminist despite what my breasts are telling you. Just because they can upstage me doesn’t mean I agree with what you think they are saying. Even when I ignore them, my breasts speak. Actually, technically, they don’t really want to say anything. That’s the irony. They only look like they have something to say. They were used for their purpose 21 years ago and yet I still carry them around. Yes, I make them fit into my clothing. Yes, I try to present myself as put together as I can. No, I won’t do anything about it. They are just there.

My personal hero, Rachel Bloom, made the best video ever about big boobs. If you’ve never seen “Heavy Boobs,” do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to enrich your life. 

I’ve tried going braless. It’s not a good choice. Deciding to wear big boobs braless and untamed out into the world is an uncomfortable decision, both physically and mentally. If you think our cleavage and breast size is distracting in a bra, try not noticing our heavy swinging, nipple happy breasts without a bra. It’s way more distracting.

I need a bra.

A hard working, comfortable and if it’s not too much trouble, a beautiful bra. I can not, as my daughter pointed out, not wear a bra. I like my bras and I need my bras. They do a lot of work in a day trying to defy gravity. I do give them the evenings off but otherwise, they are full time employees.

I’ve sent most of my life trying to figure how I can deal with my breasts. In the end, I’ve come to realize that I only have two options. I can either wear form fitting clothes which shows them off or I can wear loose fitting clothes that make me look pregnant and/or fat.

There is no in between for the big breasted woman. I can never look casual, or sporty. My options are I look like I’m trying to show you my tits or like I’ve given up and I’m hiding inside a men’s XL t-shirt. 

Love it or hate it, you can’t hide big boobs.

My advise? Get a really good bra. And yes, they can be expensive but they can also be beautiful. A good bra gives me an attractive shape in my clothes. Which can make my boobs look like they are saying that they want sex, which they aren’t but let’s face it. Big breasts have been fetishized so much that no one thinks they can say anything other than, “I want sex.” And me, putting them inside beautiful bras doesn’t mean I agree. It means I’m honoring my heavy boobs and my desire to look and feel beautiful. 

Which also means that I have to figure out a way to afford them because apparently all the bras I need are European. C’est la vie!