Women are used to talking about and dealing with body hair because we’ve been removing it since time immemorial.
What we’ve been ignoring is the need to talk about how to deal with our facial hair. Girls don’t get childhood lessons on how to shave their faces when in fact: females have hair on their faces! Some of us more than others. And having facial hair is nothing like having body hair.
You can talk to a woman about her body hair. We are mostly chill about it. But if you want things to get real touchy real fast, try pointing out her facial hair.
Merely mentioning its existence on our faces is a betrayal of the non-acknowledgement pact.
When you tell a woman she has a hairy face, she might begin to question her femininity and attractiveness. When you point out that a woman’s face is hairy (like she didn’t already know) you’re basically calling her masculine, and not in a good way.
She’s going to hide in a dark room and throw her makeup away because nothing they sell at Sephora can camouflage facial hair and rage. I know because I was one of those women.
*A quick shout-out to the growing “embrace your hair” movement. You’re awesome. Keep on keeping on! I’m just not one of your members. Sorry.
I am pretty hard to embarrass.
I’m very comfortable talking about most subjects and I like attention. But I would never, I mean NEVER, talk about my facial hair. It was too real and too embarrassing.
I would avoid direct sunlight for fear of it highlighting my facial hair or standing too close to people for fear of them noticing. I would pretend that the cream bleach really did camouflage my mustache.
My confidence was directly related to how well I felt my facial hair was being camouflaged.
*Note to self… They all knew. Everyone could see it. They were just not mentioning it… see above the pact of non-acknowledgement!
*You can read about my journey having been born hairy in my post Hair.
What I really needed was a gay best friend who was also into cross dressing so he could give me tips on what to do with my facial hair. Alas, RuPaul’s Drag Race wasn’t on TV in the 80’s, 90’s, or most of the 00’s and my GBFF wasn’t a crossdresser at the time so I was out of luck.
As it turns out, the answer is pretty damn simple and I wish someone had told me about it when I was 9. I honestly think I would’ve had a much different life.
Shave your face.
Forget waxing and bleaching. Just shave your face. Shave your whole face.
I’m talking from your neck to your forehead. You need to dry shave your face. No shaving cream, no water. Get your face as dry as possible and use a single blade razor. My recommendation is the Bic Sensitive Skin disposable razor to shave your face.
Hair and dead skin will be removed, your skin will look bright and feel incredibly smooth and you’ll stimulate collagen.
*My friend got nervous and wanted a quick video on “exactly how” to shave your face. Enjoy!
It’s the secret to youthful skin and why men tend to age slower than women!
They exfoliate their skin all the time!
Or you can go into any esthetician’s office and ask her to shave your face. She’ll gladly add it to your facial package and call it “dermaplaning” and charge you an extra $40 for the pleasure.
She’ll use a scalpel and tell you she’s never cut anyone before and the results are exactly the same as when you do it yourself.
The key to doing it yourself is the super sharp blade that’s in the Bic Sensitive Skin shaver and a super dry face. BTW, lots of estheticians use ACETONE to get your face dry before they dermaplane. Just letting you know!
“But wait!” I hear you screaming, “What about whiskers!
Won’t the hair come back as whiskers? Let me correct an old wives’ tale. Shaving doesn’t create whiskers. I promise, swear, super duper promise and swear. Only one thing creates whiskers and it’s testosterone.
If you have whiskers and you’re a woman, it’s because your hormones are out of whack and your testosterone levels are too high. Hair is DNA; whiskers are a hormonal imbalance.
I know because I have PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome, and one gift is its high levels of testosterone. My testosterone levels were so high my blood work could’ve been mistaken for that of a male silverback gorilla.
My OBGYN once asked me if I had an unusually high sex drive and if I was angry all the time. I responded, in a pissed off tone, that I was having sex all the time so why would I be angry?
Next level shaving is Laser Hair Removal
If you get to the point, like I did, where you need to shave not only because you have hair on your face but because you also have whiskers, then I’d suggest getting laser hair removal treatments to reduce and hopefully eliminate most of the whiskers and hair.
Shaving will not get rid of 5 o’clock shadow. I promise we can see the stubble, no matter how good your makeup.
Get laser treatments and deal with your hormonal issues. Life will change. I promise.
I’ve had 10+ treatments on my face and starting taking Yazmin (Ocella and Syeda are the generics) birth control which is specifically designed to help with PCOS. My life is totally different. My skin is awesome and I don’t have a hairy face anymore.
*I created a skin regime that helps lighten the melasma/scarring and keeps my skin youthful, hydrated and acne free. It’s a combination of castor and grapeseed oil and Clean and Clear Continuous Control Acne Facial Cleanser.
Read all about it in my post PCOS Skincare: 6 Hacks to a Radiant, Youthful, Acne Free and Hair Free Face.
I’m not afraid anymore of direct sunlight or close contact with people. I do wish I wasn’t taking hormones but… I picked my poison.
The next time you see a woman, struggling with her facial hair, and you’ll know she’s struggling because you can see she’s a woman and you’ve noticed she has facial hair; take a few seconds to consider how you could share this information. Information that could change her life.
But how do you do it without causing her embarrassment?
I don’t know another way around it besides naming it. I don’t know how I would’ve reacted if someone close to me told me I should shave my face.
15 years ago I figured all this out by having an esthetician ask if I wanted her to get rid of the hair on my face. One dermaplane and $40 later, I started experimenting with shaving and figured out how to do it at home.
Maybe that’s the key… book her an appointment for a facial (because you love her) and ask the esthetician to add a dermaplane treatment onto the package. Let the technician deliver the news with a soft touch in a relaxed environment.
When she gets home and tells you about it you can tell her about my post “incase she might find it interesting.“